Parenting a Child on the Autism Spectrum

future. Even more so if they have an autism spectrum disorder, or ASD diagnosis.

Apart from the medical care and therapies that you may line up to help your son or daughter, there are simple, everyday things that make a difference.

Focus on the positive. Just like anyone else, children with autism spectrum disorder often respond well to positive reinforcement. That means when you praise them for the behaviors they’re doing well, it will make them (and you) feel good.

Be specific, so that they know exactly what you liked about their behavior. Find ways to reward them, either with extra playtime or a small prize like a sticker.

Also, as you would with anyone — on the spectrum or not — prize your child for who they are. As a parent, loving your child for who they are is key.

Stay consistent and on schedule. People on the spectrum like routines. Make sure they get consistent guidance and interaction, so they can practice what they learn from therapy.

This can make learning new skills and behaviors easier, and help them apply their knowledge in different situations. Talk to their teachers and therapists and try to align on a consistent set of techniques and methods of interaction so you can bring what they’re learning home.

Put play on the schedule. Finding activities that seem like pure fun, and not more education or therapy, may help your child open up and connect with you.

ive it time. You’ll likely try a lot of different techniques, treatments, and approaches as you figure out what’s best for your child. Stay positive and try not to get discouraged if they don’t respond well to a particular method.

Take your child along for everyday activities. If your child’s behavior is unpredictable, you may feel like it’s easier not to expose them to certain situations. But when you take them on everyday errands like grocery shopping or a post office run, it may help them get them used to the world around them.

Get support. Whether online or face-to-face, support from other families, professionals, and friends can be a big help. Create a village of friends and family who understand your child’s diagnosis. Friendships may be difficult, and your child will need support in maintaining those friendships. Support groups can be a good way to share advice and information and to meet other parents dealing with similar challenges. Individual, marital, or family counseling can be helpful, too. Think about what might make your life a little easier, and ask for help.

Look into respite care. This is when another caregiver looks after your child — inside your home, outside of it, or both — for a period of time to give you a short break. You’ll need it, especially if your child has intense needs due to ASD. This can give you a chance to do things that restore your own health and that you enjoy, so that you come back home ready to help.

You can identify or form your respite support team using these methods:

  • Ask your friends, family, and other parents you know for support connections you might not have thought about.
  • Check with your child’s doctors, therapists, and teachers for ideas or referrals. For instance, a teacher’s aide you really like might enjoy babysitting in their free time.
  • You can also post notices for childcare help in newspapers and online, local religious communities, and at colleges and universities near you. Be sure to check all references carefully.
  • Join a support group for parents of autistic children. Find out what works for others. You can find self-help communities by calling a local autism support center or looking online.

Take care of yourself.  As a caregiver, you need to keep your body and your mind in tip-top shape so you can face the challenges that crop up from day to day. This means slowing down and looking for ways to take care of yourself so you’ll have plenty of you (physically, mentally, and emotionally) to go around. 

Cut your stress.  Parents of kids with ASD often face more stress than those who deal with other disabilities. If left unchecked, caregivers can face breakdowns in relationships and even psychological disorders. Stress can affect your health, too.  Stay organized to help yourself avoid getting overwhelmed. This means finding time in your day just for yourself. Some important and even fun ways to do that include:

  • Pinpoint the real causes of your stress. If you feel overwhelmed, break down the major issues you’re facing into easier bites. You’ll feel better, and you’ll have a plan.
  • Meditation may help, too. Pay attention to your thoughts and the way you talk to yourself. It’ll help you weed out useless worries.
  • Exercise. You don’t need to go to the gym. Walk, work in the garden, swim, even dance in the kitchen. These are easy, effective ways to get some exercise.
    • If you want some adult company, take an exercise class. It’s a great way to recharge your batteries and meet new people.
  • Get some ZZZs. When you need to recharge your body and mind, you can’t beat the power of a good night’s sleep. If you need extra help winding down, meditate or do relaxation exercises. That can help your body get ready for rest.
  • Get creative with your food. You likely spend lots of energy making sure your child eats nutritious meals. What about you? Spice up your personal menu by trying different fruits, veggies, and cuisines. Scope out new recipes to keep things interesting.  And eat on a set schedule each day. It’ll help you keep your energy up and your system on track.

Get balance in your life.  This is the key not only to facing life’s challenges, but also keeping a high quality of life. Your whole family will benefit. Book time in your weekly calendar for fun and socializing. Try these tips to add balance to your busy days:

  • Find your friends. Yes, you’re the parent of a special-needs child. But you’re a person, too. Remembering that you have your own identity makes you a better parent. Take time to reconnect and laugh with your friends. You’ll be glad you did.
  • Take up old hobbies. Track down your knitting needles, dust off the piano, or get out the golf clubs. Try new activities that catch your eye.
  • Take five every day. A few extra minutes first thing in the morning can center you and set the tone for the whole day. Gather your thoughts, take a long, warm shower, or jot some notes in a journal.
  • Make it quick.  Can your partner or other family members take over parenting duties for a bit? A quick walk around the block or short drive to the store — by yourself — will give you some much-needed time to yourself.


10 Tips for Parents to Support Children with Autism

Parenting a child with Autism can be both challenging and rewarding. Parents often face unique obstacles and responsibilities while trying to provide their child with the best care and support. This blog aims to offer valuable tips and strategies to assist parents in their journey of raising a child with Autism.

1. Educate Yourself

One of the first steps in supporting parents of children with Autism is to understand Autism better. Educate yourself about Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) by reading books, articles, and reliable online resources. Attend workshops, seminars, or support groups to learn from professionals and other parents with experience in this field. The more you know about Autism, the better equipped you’ll be to support your child and advocate for their needs.

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BLOGUNCATEGORIZED10 TIPS FOR PARENTS TO SUPPORT CHILDREN WITH AUTISM

10 Tips for Parents to Support Children with Autism

DOMINIQUE SARMIENTO

AUGUST 31, 2023

UNCATEGORIZED

Parents

Parenting a child with Autism can be both challenging and rewarding. Parents often face unique obstacles and responsibilities while trying to provide their child with the best care and support. This blog aims to offer valuable tips and strategies to assist parents in their journey of raising a child with Autism.

1. Educate Yourself

One of the first steps in supporting parents of children with Autism is to understand Autism better. Educate yourself about Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) by reading books, articles, and reliable online resources. Attend workshops, seminars, or support groups to learn from professionals and other parents with experience in this field. The more you know about Autism, the better equipped you’ll be to support your child and advocate for their needs.

2. Build a Support Network

Reach out and connect with other parents of children with Autism. Join local support groups or online communities where you can share experiences, exchange advice, and find emotional support. Building a network of like-minded individuals can provide a sense of belonging and understanding, reducing feelings of isolation. It also creates an opportunity to learn from each other’s successes and challenges.

3. Seek Professional Help

Consulting with professionals, such as pediatricians, speech and language therapists, or counselors specializing in Autism, can provide parents valuable guidance and support. These professionals can offer strategies tailored to your child’s unique needs, help manage behavioral challenges, and provide valuable resources for additional support services.

4. Practice Self-Care

Parenting a child with autism can be demanding, both physically and emotionally. It is crucial for parents to prioritize self-care to maintain their well-being. Make time for activities you enjoy, engage in regular exercise, get enough sleep, and seek emotional support when needed. Taking care of yourself enables you to be more present and patient when caring for your child.

5. Establish a Routine

Children with autism often thrive in structured environments. Creating a predictable daily routine can help your child feel secure and reduce anxiety. Establish consistent mealtimes, sleep schedules, and leisure activities. Use visual aids like schedules or timers to help your child understand and anticipate daily events.

6. Provide Sensory Support

Children with autism often have sensory-related preferences. Identify your child’s sensory preferences and sensitivities and create an environment accommodating their needs. This may include using noise-cancelling headphones, providing sensory breaks, or offering sensory toys and tools.

7. Encourage Communication and Social Skills

Communication and social skills are often areas where children with autism require support. Encourage your child to communicate their needs using their preferred method, whether it’s speech, sign language, or augmentative and alternative communication (AAC) systems. Foster their social skills by providing opportunities for social interactions, such as playdates, structured activities, and joining social skills groups.

8. Celebrate Small Victories

Acknowledge and celebrate your child’s achievements, no matter how small they may seem. Autism is a spectrum disorder, and progress can be gradual. Celebrating milestones and small victories boosts your child’s self-esteem and motivates them to continue making progress. It also helps parents stay positive and focused on the journey.

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BLOGUNCATEGORIZED10 TIPS FOR PARENTS TO SUPPORT CHILDREN WITH AUTISM

10 Tips for Parents to Support Children with Autism

DOMINIQUE SARMIENTO

AUGUST 31, 2023

UNCATEGORIZED

Parents
Parents

Parenting a child with Autism can be both challenging and rewarding. Parents often face unique obstacles and responsibilities while trying to provide their child with the best care and support. This blog aims to offer valuable tips and strategies to assist parents in their journey of raising a child with Autism.

1. Educate Yourself

One of the first steps in supporting parents of children with Autism is to understand Autism better. Educate yourself about Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) by reading books, articles, and reliable online resources. Attend workshops, seminars, or support groups to learn from professionals and other parents with experience in this field. The more you know about Autism, the better equipped you’ll be to support your child and advocate for their needs.

2. Build a Support Network

Reach out and connect with other parents of children with Autism. Join local support groups or online communities where you can share experiences, exchange advice, and find emotional support. Building a network of like-minded individuals can provide a sense of belonging and understanding, reducing feelings of isolation. It also creates an opportunity to learn from each other’s successes and challenges.

3. Seek Professional Help

Consulting with professionals, such as pediatricians, speech and language therapists, or counselors specializing in Autism, can provide parents valuable guidance and support. These professionals can offer strategies tailored to your child’s unique needs, help manage behavioral challenges, and provide valuable resources for additional support services.

4. Practice Self-Care

Parenting a child with autism can be demanding, both physically and emotionally. It is crucial for parents to prioritize self-care to maintain their well-being. Make time for activities you enjoy, engage in regular exercise, get enough sleep, and seek emotional support when needed. Taking care of yourself enables you to be more present and patient when caring for your child.

5. Establish a Routine

Children with autism often thrive in structured environments. Creating a predictable daily routine can help your child feel secure and reduce anxiety. Establish consistent mealtimes, sleep schedules, and leisure activities. Use visual aids like schedules or timers to help your child understand and anticipate daily events.

6. Provide Sensory Support

Children with autism often have sensory-related preferences. Identify your child’s sensory preferences and sensitivities and create an environment accommodating their needs. This may include using noise-cancelling headphones, providing sensory breaks, or offering sensory toys and tools.

7. Encourage Communication and Social Skills

Communication and social skills are often areas where children with autism require support. Encourage your child to communicate their needs using their preferred method, whether it’s speech, sign language, or augmentative and alternative communication (AAC) systems. Foster their social skills by providing opportunities for social interactions, such as playdates, structured activities, and joining social skills groups.

8. Celebrate Small Victories

Acknowledge and celebrate your child’s achievements, no matter how small they may seem. Autism is a spectrum disorder, and progress can be gradual. Celebrating milestones and small victories boosts your child’s self-esteem and motivates them to continue making progress. It also helps parents stay positive and focused on the journey.

9. Be Flexible and Patient

Flexibility and patience are key when parenting a child with autism. Understand that some days may be more challenging than others. Allow room for adjustments and modifications in your plans. Approach situations with calmness and understanding, modeling patience for your child.

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BLOGUNCATEGORIZED10 TIPS FOR PARENTS TO SUPPORT CHILDREN WITH AUTISM

10 Tips for Parents to Support Children with Autism

DOMINIQUE SARMIENTO

AUGUST 31, 2023

UNCATEGORIZED

Parents
Parents

Parenting a child with Autism can be both challenging and rewarding. Parents often face unique obstacles and responsibilities while trying to provide their child with the best care and support. This blog aims to offer valuable tips and strategies to assist parents in their journey of raising a child with Autism.

1. Educate Yourself

One of the first steps in supporting parents of children with Autism is to understand Autism better. Educate yourself about Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) by reading books, articles, and reliable online resources. Attend workshops, seminars, or support groups to learn from professionals and other parents with experience in this field. The more you know about Autism, the better equipped you’ll be to support your child and advocate for their needs.

2. Build a Support Network

Reach out and connect with other parents of children with Autism. Join local support groups or online communities where you can share experiences, exchange advice, and find emotional support. Building a network of like-minded individuals can provide a sense of belonging and understanding, reducing feelings of isolation. It also creates an opportunity to learn from each other’s successes and challenges.

3. Seek Professional Help

Consulting with professionals, such as pediatricians, speech and language therapists, or counselors specializing in Autism, can provide parents valuable guidance and support. These professionals can offer strategies tailored to your child’s unique needs, help manage behavioral challenges, and provide valuable resources for additional support services.

4. Practice Self-Care

Parenting a child with autism can be demanding, both physically and emotionally. It is crucial for parents to prioritize self-care to maintain their well-being. Make time for activities you enjoy, engage in regular exercise, get enough sleep, and seek emotional support when needed. Taking care of yourself enables you to be more present and patient when caring for your child.

5. Establish a Routine

Children with autism often thrive in structured environments. Creating a predictable daily routine can help your child feel secure and reduce anxiety. Establish consistent mealtimes, sleep schedules, and leisure activities. Use visual aids like schedules or timers to help your child understand and anticipate daily events.

6. Provide Sensory Support

Children with autism often have sensory-related preferences. Identify your child’s sensory preferences and sensitivities and create an environment accommodating their needs. This may include using noise-cancelling headphones, providing sensory breaks, or offering sensory toys and tools.

7. Encourage Communication and Social Skills

Communication and social skills are often areas where children with autism require support. Encourage your child to communicate their needs using their preferred method, whether it’s speech, sign language, or augmentative and alternative communication (AAC) systems. Foster their social skills by providing opportunities for social interactions, such as playdates, structured activities, and joining social skills groups.

8. Celebrate Small Victories

Acknowledge and celebrate your child’s achievements, no matter how small they may seem. Autism is a spectrum disorder, and progress can be gradual. Celebrating milestones and small victories boosts your child’s self-esteem and motivates them to continue making progress. It also helps parents stay positive and focused on the journey.

9. Be Flexible and Patient

Flexibility and patience are key when parenting a child with autism. Understand that some days may be more challenging than others. Allow room for adjustments and modifications in your plans. Approach situations with calmness and understanding, modeling patience for your child.

10. Advocate for Your Child

Be your child’s strongest advocate. Understand their rights and entitlements in educational settings and the community. Work closely with teachers, therapists, and school administrators to ensure your child receives appropriate support and accommodations. Stay informed about the latest research and advancements in autism to advocate for your child’s needs effectively.

Supporting parents of children with autism involves a multifaceted approach that includes education, community, self-care, and effective strategies. By building a support network, seeking professional help, and practicing self-care, parents can better navigate the challenges and celebrate the successes of raising a child with autism. Remember, each child with autism is unique, and it’s essential to tailor your approach to meet their specific needs. With love, patience, and the proper support, parents can make a profound difference in their child’s life.

11 Compassionate Parenting Tips for Families with Autistic Children

  1. Allow the feelings and emotions – Parents, after receiving an autism diagnosis, experience a plethora of emotions before they accept their child’s diagnosis. Many parents move through emotions like Kubler-Ross’ (1980) stages of grief; grieving for what might have been followed by a plan of action. Having an autistic child may not fit your perspective of what your family should look like, it may feel like you have a square peg to fit into your family circle. You will mourn and that is okay. Give yourself the time and space.
  2. Realize you are good enough – My opinion, all parents of autistic children should receive a merit badge in parenting. Raising an autistic child is like learning a foreign language – but in parenting. It is challenging and sometimes overwhelming. Parents utilize numerous resources to help their child developmentally, but they still worry they are not doing a good enough job. Your child does not need the perfect parent, they need a happy and supportive one. Raising an autistic child is difficult, but it is empowering and will make you a better person.
  3. Build your support village – When you begin learning about autism, there are moments when you will feel lonely and lost. You will learn more from your “support friends and family” than an autism expert. Simply talking to and listening to others who are raising autistic children can be life changing. They get it! It is so comforting to talk with others who get it and support you, especially during times when you feel overwhelmed or isolated. You are not alone in this journey.
  4. Your child’s differences are what make them unique – Even though your child interprets the world differently, that’s not a bad thing. This is the beginning of an eye-opening journey. Their perspective of the world is amazing; they will show you there are different ways or even better ways to solve problems. Yes, they may have challenges due to their neurodiversity, but they can cope with these challenges with proper support.
  5. Autism is your child, but it does not define your child – Your child is not defined by a single diagnosis, they are special in their own way and different in their own way. You will experience parenting challenges but learn to find the joy. Flip your attitude, celebrate the small things and don’t give up hope. Overcoming the challenges and finding that joy is so freeing.
  6. Meet your child where they are developmentally – Most developmental milestones are based on normal developing children. Don’t perseverate on age limits and assume that your child will not meet developmental milestones just because they are older. Meet your child where they are developmentally; they will develop on their own timeline. It does not mean they are any better or less than other children; they just got there a little slower. Celebrate the achievements, and don’t give up on them.
  7. Focusing on the present and unconditional acceptance – Focusing on the present and unconditional acceptance are vital ingredients for raising a happy child. Perseverating about the future – school, grades, graduation, or future jobs – drains your energy for today. Each day, view your child through a compassionate lens, believing they can achieve anything they put their mind to. Our autistic children can surprise us, developing in ways that seemed impossible when they were younger.
  8. The environment is loud and overwhelming – Learn about sensory overload. Approximately 80% of autistics exhibit sensory processing issues (Case-Smith, Weaver, & Fristad, 2015). Sensory sensitivity – sounds, sights, tastes, texture are perceived as aversive – is extremely common among autistics and a leading cause to many challenging behaviors (e.g., Cermak, Curtin, & Bandini, 2010; Hillman, 2021).
  9. Your belief in your child’s ability influences their achievement – If you believe your child is highly capable and intelligent, you will demonstrate that belief through your words and actions. Your child will clearly hear the message, and they will more than likely rise to the expectation. Alternatively, if you focus on the challenging behaviors, believing your child is not capable, unmotivated, or helpless, then your child will hear that message and will perceive themselves as one big flaw. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.
  10. Focus on the positive – Theodore Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Every person – you and I included – is a combination of positive traits and plenty of flaws. Choose to see your child’s positive traits rather than focusing on their challenges. When you visit the doctor or therapist, rather than detailing the challenging behaviors and deficits, focus on their strengths. When we trot out an itemized list of our children’s flaws, we are comparing our autistic child to others, and destroying our children’s self-esteem. Identify your child’s strengths then decide how to modify their challenging behaviors using their strengths.
  11. Keep pushing the boundaries – Push your child out of their comfort zone, just a little; don’t make it easy for them. Rather than visiting the same park or taking the same route home from school because it is more comfortable for your child, play at different parks or alter your route home by just a few blocks. You are broadening your child’s horizons, but also you are setting higher expectations.

10 Parenting Tips For Children With Autism

Autism or autism spectrum disorder (ASD) is a neurological and developmental disorder that begins early in childhood and lasts throughout a person’s life[1]. The term “spectrum” refers to the wide range of symptoms, skills, and stages of ability in functioning that can occur in people with ASD. It can exist in many different ways in people without them even realizing that they are autistic. ASD affects how an individual communicates and interacts with others. They may also show inflexible behavior patterns, narrow interest ranges, and sensitivity to sight, sound, taste, or touch.

Until now, autism was considered a common disorder in the West; however, it has become quite common in India, affecting every 1 in 80 children below 10 years[2]. Therefore, to raise awareness around this disorder, celebrate the strengths and differences of those with autism, and improve the quality of their lives, World Autism Awareness Day is observed on 2nd April every year. This year’s theme “Light It Up Blue” urges people to wear blue and turn on the lights in their homes or businesses.

As autism presents itself on a wide range of the spectrum, it’s important to know that not all autistic children behave the same way, and what works for one child might not work for another. Parents can use medical care and therapies that can help them in the journey of bringing up a child with autism. Besides these, the below-mentioned are a few simple, yet effective everyday tips[1][4-6] that can make a difference.

1. Connect more with your child
Though it may be challenging to communicate with autistic children, remember that as a parent, you have a special bond with your child. Listen actively and give undivided attention to the nonverbal cues they use. Patience and steadiness are important when you try to connect with your child. Also, participate in activities that they choose, as this sends a message that their interests matter and will also help develop a stronger bond with them.

2. Plan playdates and social time
Socializing with their peers is paramount for kids with autism, even if sometimes it can be challenging for them. Playdates and other activities are good ways to practice social skills and make new friends. Pre-plan the activities (like going to a park, play house, or another activity you know your child will enjoy). Also, avoid noisy and overstimulating environments that may overwhelm the child.

3. Engage your child in recreational activities
A child with ASD is no different from a normal child as far as their need for a fun time is concerned. Engage your child in different activities like board games, dance, art, and craft, etc.

4. Practice positive reinforcement
This is one of the most effective behavior management strategies that can help children with autism deal with their challenging behaviors. That means when you praise and reward the child when they behave well or whenever they pick up a new skill, it will make them feel good. Find ways to reward them, either with extra playtime, giving them their favorite toys, or a small prize like a sticker. Also, incorporate praises and compliments after a few instances of good behavior to show that you value and appreciate their positive actions. This way, your child will learn that praise and compliments are reinforcers of positive behavior.

5. Use calming strategies
It is important to understand that emotional outbursts are a way for your child to express themselves and not a form of manipulation. It happens when they feel overwhelmed and temporarily lose their ability to regulate emotions. So, what should you do in such a situation? Observe and identify triggers or warning signs that can help you calm the child before they get too upset. Offer them choices that will help them feel more in control, such as offering them to go for a walk or eat something they love.

6. Get your kids moving
Physical activity is also great for kids with autism as it can help improve their fitness, coordination, strength, and body awareness. Exercise may also help decrease repetitive, self-stimulating behaviors and improve attention.

7. Stay consistent and on schedule
Like every kid, children with ASD love routine and might have a difficult time when things do not go according to schedule. Establishing routines at home can ease the unpredictability of everyday life for young children and make them feel more stable and less anxious[3]. The consistency of routine can also help reduce power struggles between you and your child.

8. Make your home a safe place
Children with autism may not fear danger and be prone to self-injury. Keep all hazardous items such as cleaning products, sharp tools, knives, and electrical appliances in a safe place away from the child. Also, make sure to always keep the doors locked to prevent them from leaving the home without your knowledge.

9. Look for support at school
By the age of 3, many children with ASD have been identified and can receive early intervention treatments. Therapy for speech/language, behavior, or sensory concerns may be included in their curriculum. Parents can also seek additional help for their children from a classroom aide or during a lunch break or social skills group.

10. Cut your stress and take care of yourself
Lastly, as a parent, you need to keep your body and mind in shape, so you can face the challenges that arise each day. Stay organized to help yourself avoid being overwhelmed. Find time for yourself and prioritize self-care[7].

Best Parenting Tips For Raising Autistic Children

  1. Educate yourself about autism: It is important to understand the characteristics and symptoms of autism, as well as the available treatments and therapies. This will help you to better understand your child’s needs and how to support them.
  2. Seek professional support: Consult a pediatrician, psychologist, or a special education expert for guidance on how to manage your child’s behavior and communication issues.
  3. Create a structured routine: Children with autism thrive on routine and predictability. Develop a daily routine that includes specific times for meals, activities, and rest.
  4. Use visual aids: Use visual aids such as picture schedules, timers, and calendars to help your child understand and follow routines.
  5. Use positive reinforcement: Reward good behavior with praise and tangible rewards such as stickers, toys, or special treats.
  6. Teach social skills: Help your child learn social skills such as taking turns, sharing, and making eye contact. Role-playing and social stories can be helpful strategies.
  7. Encourage communication: Encourage your child to communicate their needs and feelings through nonverbal and verbal means such as sign language, pictures, or speech therapy.
  8. Use sensory integration techniques: Children with autism often have sensory processing issues. Use sensory integration techniques such as deep pressure, swinging, or tactile play to help your child regulate their sensory system.
  9. Create a safe environment: Children with autism may engage in self-injurious behavior or wander off. Create a safe environment by securing doors and windows, using child locks, and monitoring your child closely.
  10. Involve siblings and family members: Encourage siblings and family members to be involved in your child’s care and to learn about autism. This can help foster understanding and support within the family.
  11. Seek community support: Connect with other families with autism in your community through support groups or online forums. This can provide valuable emotional support and resources.
  12. Stay organized: Keep important documents, medical records, and therapy schedules in one place for easy access.
  13. Take care of yourself: Raising a child with autism can be stressful and exhausting. Take care of yourself by prioritizing self-care activities such as exercise, meditation, and getting enough sleep.
  14. Celebrate small successes: Celebrate your child’s small successes such as learning a new skill or completing a task independently.
  15. Be patient and persistent: Raising a child with autism can be a long and challenging journey. Be patient and persistent in your efforts to support and help your child reach their full potential.

Importance Of Properly Raising A Child With Autism

Raising a child with autism is not an easy task, but it is also one of the most rewarding experiences. Parents who dedicate their time and effort to raising their children well with autism can make a significant impact on their child’s development.

A well-raised child with autism can learn to communicate effectively, develop social skills, and live a fulfilling life. It is essential for parents to understand that every child with autism has unique needs and challenges, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting them.

However, by following the practical tips mentioned above and seeking professional support when needed, parents can create a nurturing environment that promotes growth and development for their child with autism.

The importance of raising a child well with autism cannot be overstated; it requires patience, compassion, and unwavering commitment from parents. With the right guidance and support, parents can successfully navigate the challenges of raising a child with autism and help them achieve their full potential.

How To Raise A Child With Autism

Raising a child with autism requires patience, understanding, and a willingness to adapt. Here are some additional tips that can help parents navigate the challenges of parenting a child with autism:

  1. Find what works for your child: Every child with autism is unique, and what works for one may not work for another. Experiment with different strategies and approaches until you find what works best for your child.
  2. Advocate for your child: As a parent, it is important to be an advocate for your child’s needs. This may involve advocating for accommodations at school or in other settings or seeking out resources and support services.
  3. Embrace your child’s strengths: Children with autism often have unique talents and strengths. Encourage your child to pursue their interests and hobbies, which can help build self-esteem and confidence.
  4. Practice self-compassion: Raising a child with autism can be emotionally challenging at times, and it is important to practice self-compassion as a parent. Take time for yourself when needed, seek out support from others, and remember that it is okay to make mistakes.
  5. Stay positive: While there may be difficult moments when raising a child with autism, it is important to stay positive overall. Celebrate the small successes along the way, focus on progress rather than perfection, and remember that every day is an opportunity to learn and grow together.

By following these tips and being open-minded and flexible in their approach, parents can provide the love and support their children need to thrive despite the challenges of autism.

Mistakes To Avoid

Parenting a child with autism can be challenging, and it is not uncommon for parents to make mistakes along the way. However, some mistakes can have long-lasting effects on a child’s development and well-being. Here are some common parenting mistakes to avoid when raising a child with autism:

  1. Neglecting self-care: As a parent, it is easy to get caught up in taking care of your child’s needs and neglect your own self-care. However, neglecting self-care can lead to burnout, stress, and fatigue. It is important for parents to prioritize their own mental health and well-being by engaging in activities that bring them joy and relaxation.
  2. Overprotecting your child: While it is natural to want to protect your child from harm, overprotecting them can hinder their development of independence and social skills. It is important for parents to find a balance between keeping their child safe and allowing them opportunities for growth and exploration.
  3. Focusing solely on treatment: While therapy and treatment are important components of managing autism, it should not be the sole focus of parenting. Parents should also focus on creating positive experiences for their child through play, leisure activities, and family outings.
  4. Ignoring the impact on siblings: Raising a child with autism can have an impact on siblings as well. It is important for parents to recognize this impact and provide support for all members of the family.
  5. Being too rigid: While routine is important for children with autism, being too rigid can create unnecessary stress and anxiety for both the parent and child. Parents should allow room for flexibility in routines when needed.

By avoiding these common parenting mistakes, parents can create a nurturing environment that supports their child’s growth and development while also taking care of themselves and their family as a whole.

6 Things to Avoid When Raising an Autistic Child

You may hear parenting suggestions for what not to do with an autistic child. No two autistic children are the same, and you will come to learn what works best for you and them.

As you do, you may want to consider if you might need to modify your parenting style or natural preferences to meet your child’s needs. You may, for example, engage in so-called “helicopter parenting,” hands-off parenting, and permissive parenting with the best of intentions. But these and other parenting styles may end up making things more challenging.

Learn more about six parenting styles and why they may not be helpful when raising an autistic child. Aside from making day-to-day living a bit easier, choosing the right method can encourage your autistic child in a way that helps them to develop strengths and abilities.

Child cute little girl and mother holding hand together

Helicopter Parenting

Helicopter parents hover over their children, watching and reacting to their every move. They leap in to help when a problem appears on the horizon, they intervene to smooth every path, and they insist on special treatment for their kids.

Helicopter parenting is less than ideal for any child, as it makes independence and self-determination especially difficult to achieve.

Parents or guardians of autistic children are prone to helicopter parenting because they worry that their autistic child will run into problems they can’t resolve on their own—and, of course, that’s perfectly possible.

But if helicopter parenting stunts the development of neurotypical children, imagine what it does for autistic children.1

When you step in to do their work, you’re denying your child the opportunity to understand what’s needed, experience the challenge of trying, enjoy the thrill of success, or gain the knowledge developed through the process of failure.

Competitive Parenting

Any parent or guardian who’s been part of a Mommy and Me group knows all about competitive parenting. Whose baby potty trained first? Said the first word? Is taking the most classes, learning to dance or sing, playing peewee soccer, or studying Chinese?

When you have an autistic child, it can be hard to avoid feeling that the child in your care is being left behind. But when you buy into competitive parenting, you are certain to develop a sense that the child in your care is not up to par and that you, as a parent, are probably to blame.

As you can imagine, the outcome is a feeling that neither you nor the child you are raising is good enough. The impact of such feelings on an autistic child may not be obvious, but they are real.

Hands-Off (Free-Range) Parenting

Some parents and guardians believe that their child should be allowed to follow their own pursuits and interests without parental interference. That works well for certain neurotypical children who are self-directed, self-motivated, and eager to interact with others. It’s not, however, a very good choice for an autistic child.

While every child certainly needs and deserves “down” time, autistic children really do need regular, focused parental engagement.2 That’s because, in most cases, autistic children need your help to actively learn to pretend, socialize, converse, ask questions, and investigate the world.

Without another person to help them build these critical skills, autistic children can become increasingly withdrawn and self-focused—and less capable or desirous of engaging in the wider world. They’ll also have less opportunity to build on their strengths and achieve their own potential.

Perfectionist (Tiger) Parenting

Yes, some children thrive with parents who absolutely insist upon straight A’s, top athletic performance, perfect grammar, and ideal table manners. Those children are unlikely to be autistic.

The reality is that autistic children, while they may have many strengths, may have a very tough time with many neurotypical childhood expectations. Their verbal skills may be compromised, so high grades and perfect grammar may not be achievable. They may have difficulty with physical coordination, making athletics particularly tough.

It’s important to have high expectations for your autistic child. Make those expectations too high, though, and you and the child in your care are in for unhealthy levels of stress.

Permissive Parenting

As the parent of an autistic child, you may feel that they should have no expectations placed on them outside of school or therapy. After all, it’s tough for autistic kids to function in school, and they deserve a break.

You may even feel it’s unreasonable to ask the child in your care to complete household tasks, learn to calm themselves, or control their behavior. The unfortunate result of this kind of “do whatever you want” parenting teaches a child to learn habits and behaviors that will create serious problems down the line.

Autism does make some things more difficult, but in almost every case autistic children can do a great deal if they are asked and encouraged to do so. When you set the bar low, or offer an autistic child too little discipline, you are actually making it more difficult for them to understand or live up to high expectations.

Understanding a child’s challenges is one thing; assuming a child to be incompetent is something very different and harmful.

Frenetic Parenting

Since they woke up this morning, an autistic preschooler has had five hours of behavioral therapy, an hour apiece of speech and physical therapy, two hours of parent-guided play therapy, and four hours of school.

As soon as the child falls into an exhausted sleep, you jump on the Internet to find yet another therapeutic class, program, activity, or resource to add to the schedule. With so much going on, the autistic child in your care has no opportunity to practice what they have learned, to actually meet and get to know another child, or to simply do what children do—play.

Rather than frantically searching for and engaging in therapies and activities, consider the possibility that a few hours a day of calm, unfocused parent or guardian-and-child time might be just the thing a child needs to grow and thrive.

10 Parenting Tips on How to Raise a Child With Autism

Raising a child with autism is a reality for many parents, and it presents a number of regular challenges. Yet there are a number of practical approaches which can assist on the journey of bringing up a child who is on the autism spectrum, although it must be stated immediately that no two autistic children are the same, and the benefits may vary or not be felt at all in some cases.

It is all about working with their environment and those who interact with your child to bring about positive changes. Here are some practical tips:

1. Don’t make comparisons

Not only is it futile, it will be upsetting for all concerned to make comparisons between your child and, say, his/her siblings who are not on the spectrum, or with peers who again are not on the autism spectrum.

Even comparing your child with other autistic children is futile as no two autistic children display exactly the same characteristics or react the same way to different challenges. Every child is unique, and although it can, at times, be a struggle, see your child’s development as his/her own unique journey on which you will play an integral role.

2. Help him/her recognize when they need a break

Help your child to understand when he/she is on the verge of getting frustrated and allow him/her to withdraw to a safe place he/she will not be sought out or judged. It is imperative an autistic child has this safety net in all situations.

3. Listen to him/her calmly and with an open mind

An autistic child will not do something if he/she doesn’t want to do it, perhaps even more so than any other child. Reasoning will be futile, so keep an open mind and try to understand his/her reasonings for resisting. Others may see this as too indulging, but these are different circumstances. Listen and understand as much as you can to get his/her perspective, and only then may you seek to intervene.

4. Help your child learn how to apply new skills to different situations

It can often be difficult for autistic children to apply skills in different contexts because those skills can be situational. Therefore, employ a patient approach to teaching those same skills in different circumstances, and in time your child will learn to adapt.

5. Keep an open mind

The fact is so much of what we see and do, and our perspective of it, is learned socially. Therefore, something we may consider to be ridiculous could, to another person with a different perspective, be anything but. By keeping this type of open mind and understanding many of our social habits are only that, you can learn to broaden your own horizons and embrace different approaches to seemingly normal things.

6. Maintain a sense of humor through all situations

As much as possible, keep a sense of humor. As previously stated, social habits, and what we consider to be acceptable or otherwise, are simply conditions we have put in place as a society and are not necessarily nature’s laws. An autistic child will often not immediately appreciate social norms have to be followed (and do they really, all the time?) so there will be plenty of occasions where laughter will be the best reaction.

7. Never underestimate how much he/she actually understands

Autistic children very often understand most, if not all, of what is going on around them. The difference is how they react to these conditions, and the level at which they can communicate.

8. Look into Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA) therapy

There are many therapeutic interventions for children on the autism spectrum, and applied behaviour analysis is one of the best known. Look into whether this can be accessed, but also understand it does not work for everybody. Be prepared to explore alternative methods too.

9. Work with the school, and be an advocate for your child’s needs

Schooling will play an essential role in your child’s development, as with any child. But of course there are added challenges involved here, and additional care and attention will be required. Ensure you and your child’s school are signing off on the same page as frequently as possible, and if you believe something is not the way it should be, be an advocate for your child and don’t stop until someone listens to you.

“Raising an autistic child takes a group effort, but ultimately yours should be the voice that is heard loudest,” advises Terri Mailer, an education writer at Brit student and Australia 2 write.

10. Take a break yourself, and seek support

Raising a child with autism will be an incredibly rewarding, yet at times, exhausting task. Acknowledge you cannot do it alone and you cannot go at it 24/7/365. Seek support wherever you can get it and take a break from time to time to ensure when you return you can give your very best to your child.

7 Parenting Tips to Help Your Autistic Kid Thrive

Tips for parenting an autistic child

Autism is a spectrum, which means it affects everyone differently. Each child has their own strengths and areas of development. There are various parenting strategies you can try, depending on your child’s support needs.

1. Build rapport.

Rapport is affinity. It’s familiarity and trust that includes two-way interaction, like communication or a change in behavior in response to another person’s presence.

When an educator or therapist works with a child, the first step is building rapport.

Increasing rapport with your child involves finding ways to share in their experiences, such as:

  • active listening: Active listening involves giving your child your undivided attention and noticing as much as you can about what they’re trying to communicate. You can gain useful insight by listening to behaviors as well as words.
  • child-led activities: Participating in activities that your child chooses sends a message that their interests matter and is a powerful rapport-building strategy.

Rapport means your child will be more willing to communicate with you, which makes supporting them easier.

2. Increase social awareness.

Theory of mind (ToM) is the skill that allows people to understand the different perspectives of others. ToM differences are common in autism.

If your child experiences ToM differences, this doesn’t mean they can’t learn what other people think or feel. However, if they don’t passively acquire this insight at the same rate as allistic (non-autistic) kids, they might need explanations about other people’s behavior.

Spending time talking about social encounters can increase ToM skills. Asking your child how they felt or what they thought about interactions with their peers can create teachable moments where you explain behaviors that they may have misunderstood.

3. Examine communication.

It’s ironic that autistic kids with advanced vocabularies would benefit from support with communication. However, there are a few areas in which your child might benefit from coaching, such as:

  • pragmatic language. This is social communication, including taking turns while speaking and listening appropriately while the other person is talking.
  • expressive language. Outgoing communication, both written and spoken, is expressive language. Nonverbal communications, like gestures, are part of expressive language.
  • receptive language. Incoming communication, including reading and listening, is part of receptive language. It can be useful to check for comprehension by asking your child to repeat the things you’ve told them.

Effective communication impacts how your child interacts with the allistic world, so it’s a skill worth taking the time to improve.

4. Teach calming strategies.

Emotional dysregulation isn’t just a cause of disruptive outbursts. Research, including a 2020 study, also links it to anxiety in autistic people.

It’s important to remember that emotional outbursts are not a form of manipulation. Instead, your child is feeling overwhelmed and has temporarily lost their ability to regulate emotion.

Observing and identifying triggers or warning signs enables you to intervene before your child gets too upset. When you see signs of an impending outburst, redirecting with a calming activity can help:

  • “You look like you’re getting frustrated. Do you need to ask for a break?”
  • “I can see you’re clenching your fists. Do you want to try a breathing exercise?”

Choices can also help your child feel more in control, such as: “You look like you need a break. Do you want to go for a walk, or have something to eat?”

Research from 2017Trusted Source suggests that wearable technology like smartwatches can also be effective emotional regulation tools. The watches monitor the wearer’s internal cues like heart rate and respond with a calming intervention, such as soothing imagery or music.

5. Foster flexibility.

You may have discovered that prompting your child before an activity change makes the transition easier. This is because an unpredicted change can be anxiety-provoking for autistic people.

It’s usually easy to manage transitions at home because it’s a controlled environment. You can prompt your child with a 5- or 10-minute warning, and check in several times during that time frame. However, the outside world is not as accommodating.

One solution is to gradually fade transition prompts. Try a shorter notice with fewer check-ins to see how your child can handle it.

Another solution is to create a positive association with an unexpected change. Offer something in return for an unprompted transition, like extra iPad time later for turning off the TV now.

6. Increase autism awareness.

Increasing your child’s autism awareness begins with discussing their diagnosis.

They may have already felt different from their typically developing peers, so hearing the news that they’re autistic likely makes sense. Maybe they were diagnosed later in childhood or early in their teen years, so they knew about autism even before their own diagnosis.

Regardless of their path to diagnosis, it’s important to focus on the positive aspects of autism, such as special isolated skills (SIS). A 2014 study examining SISs in autism found repeat occurrences in several areas:

  • memory
  • reading
  • visuospatial
  • drawing
  • computation
  • music

Even if your child doesn’t have an SIS, there are other autistic strengths. For example, the preference for structure makes autistic people comfortable following rules.

Along with the emphasis on strengths comes the understanding that most people, autistic or otherwise, have areas where they can benefit from help. As your child learns more about autism, they’ll likely have questions that may inspire interesting and rapport-building conversations.

7. Network with other parents.

Sometimes the best advice comes from those who’ve been in your shoes. Networking with other parents in the autistic community can connect you to support and understanding that can make your role easier.

Your child’s pediatrician may have contact information for parent support groups in your area, or you can try searching online.

5 Things Every Parent Should Know When Raising an Autistic Child

Parenting an autistic child can feel overwhelming at times. Parents want to do their best for their children, but it can be hard to sort out what should be prioritized over something else. You can’t do it all – so what should you focus on? My two autistic children are now adults, and I can look back over the years and see what were the most important things to concentrate on that made the difference in our lives. I realize this may not be everyone’s list, but I think these topics give a good foundation on which to build and provide support throughout a person’s lifespan.

In everything that I do, I keep at the forefront of my mind autistic neurology. The autistic brain thinks in an absolute way rather than a relative way. My Belgian colleague, Peter Vermeulen, explains this well in his blog Tennis, the predictive mind and autism. American psychologist Dr. Ross Greene says, “Children do well if they can.” If they can’t, they may be missing a prerequisite skill, not know how to start the task, don’t understand the language, or don’t see the steps in the task.

Some other things to also think about:

  • No autistic person will present the same way as each is an individual.
  • Information is changing all of the time so don’t beat yourself up for things you did in the past.
  • Be prepared to let go of assumptions or things that don’t work.
  • One strategy doesn’t fit all nor will it work every time.
  • It can take time for something to work.
  • You may not see the fruits of your labor right away, but you are building a foundation.
  • Success is often small.
  • Expect developmental plateaus. If you plot development on a graph, it will look jagged.
  • Be able to adapt as needs and situations change.
  • It’s all about relationships, respect and trust. Without these, a person can’t experience happiness and well-being.

Focus on Strengths

So often, an autistic person is described in terms of what they can’t do or where they place among their non-autistic peers. Try to reframe this by thinking about a person’s strengths and the positive qualities of autism. Some of these can be:

  • Visual learners rather than auditory learners
  • Excellent long-term memory
  • Detail focused which can transfer into in-depth knowledge way beyond the school curriculum
  • They are kinesthetic learners and learn by doing
  • Integrity – honest, loyal and committed
  • Approach things methodically –  thought processes are analytical; can spot patterns and repetitions
  • Deep Focus – concentration level can be very focused, allowing for freedom from distraction

The 5 Things Every Parent Should Know

1.  The Need for Predictability

Why is predictability so important? It is because predictability:

  • lessens anxiety.
  • reduces the fear over changes in the day or routine.
  • helps with transitions (25% of the school day involves transitions).
  • provides a clear beginning, middle and end to an event/activity.
  • supports independence.
  • supports communication.

Remember – the autistic brain thinks in an absolute way rather than a relative one so having a predictable environment and day will help a person feel calmer and function better. This is true for most people! Novelty and constant change are stressful as they require adaptation, thinking and planning.

Predictability is created by using visual supports, having established routines, breaking down the steps to a task, and having a structured environment and activities.

2. Use Visual Supports

Visual information is fixed and permanent, providing consistency and predictability. While the types of visual supports  may change as a person matures, the need for them will always be there. The adults who are providing support also communicate more clearly when using visuals.

We use visual supports because:

  • autistic people are stronger visual than auditory learners.
  • they provide predictability/consistency which lessens anxiety.
  • improve understanding.
  • provide structure and routine.
  • build confidence.
  • provide opportunities for interaction.

Visual supports take a variety of forms such as:

  • tactile symbols/objects of reference
  • photographs
  • short videos
  • miniatures of real objects
  • coloured pictures
  • line drawings
  • symbols
  • written words

Use visuals to create schedules that can be daily, weekly or monthly. You can use visual schedules to teach the skill of making a choice like what to do during recess. I used visual schedules to teach flexibility by adding the word “surprise” occasionally to show my children that unpredictable things can happen and it isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Schedules can be a great way to show the passage of time throughout the day. When a task/activity has passed, take it off the schedule and put it in an envelope, signaling that the time has passed and the task is over. You can also see what’s going to happen next which lessens anxiety by creating predictability. Visual schedules create greater independence because a person can see structure, knows the expectations, and can see what to do next.

As the late Barbara Bloomfield, SLP, said, “True independence implies being able to set up visual supports of your own as you need them. Making lists, keeping track of appointments and visually organizing one’s living spaces and possessions are all self-prompting strategies that can be taught in small steps beginning at the pre-school level.”

3. Understanding and Supporting Sensory Needs

Dr. Jean Ayres, occupational therapist, first identified sensory processing difficulties in the 1970’s. Sensory processing involves 7 sensory systems. Dr. Ayres added two additional internal senses to the traditional 5 of hearing, sight, touch, taste and smell – proprioception (body awareness) and vestibular (movement/balance). More recently added to this list is interoception – the 8th sensory system.

A person may be over- or under-responsive to sensory input; activity level may be either unusually high or unusually low; a person may be in constant motion or tire easily. Some people may fluctuate between these extremes. When sensory systems are regulated, a person will feel calm, in control, and able to interpret sensory stimuli. When sensory systems get overloaded and out of balance, behaviors of concern may happen. A person may feel overwhelmed, distracted, impulsive, show signs of distress, become aggressive, withdraw or shut down.

Every autistic person will have a unique sensory profile so there is no one size fits all solution to helping with sensory processing difficulties. Observational checklists can be used to gather information about a person’s sensory profile. Sensory checklists will provide the framework for recognizing when sensory processing difficulties are occurring.

Once a sensory profile is known, a sensory diet can be created. This is an individualized plan of physical activities and accommodations to help a person meet their sensory needs. This plan provides the sensory input needed to stay focused and organized throughout the day. It can also be used to help with recovery after overload and plays an integral part in calming strategies.

There are many activities that can help with sensory regulation which support a child’s development. Gardening, making toys, outdoor play, physical movement, performing household chores, and practicing yoga can address and fulfill sensory needs.

Engaging individuals in sensory experiences on a regular schedule can support focus, attentiveness, and interaction. A person may feel less anxious when they feel comfortable and in control. Alone-time is also necessary for recovery, reducing overload, and supporting wellbeing. The world can be a busy, confusing, and overwhelming place. Time to retreat will leave an autistic person better able to focus, learn, engage, and regulate.

4. Understanding and Building Interoceptive Awareness

Learning about interoception from OT Kelly Mahler completely changed my understanding of my children and why things like not knowing if they are thirsty or need to go to the bathroom happened. I used to think it was a failing on my part…but then I heard about interoception. The ability to recognize, understand and interpret emotions and feelings comes through the sensory system’s eighth sense – interoception. It is the foundation from where all other senses are processed and helps us to regulate the body’s needs.

What exactly is interoception? Muscles and joints have receptors that tell you where your body parts are. Interoception works much the same way, but the receptors are in your organs including your skin. These receptors send messages about the body to the brain, helping to regulate vital functions such as hunger, thirst, digestion, or heart rate.

Understanding these bodily feelings can help with interpretation of what’s going on inside the body. If your bladder is full, you need to urinate. If your heart is beating fast, you may be anxious and need to take a few deep breathes to slow it down.

Interoception also affects the interpretation of emotions. Emotions may not be “felt”. If you can’t tune in to the body cues that help interpret emotion, it is harder to identify the emotion. It’s important to understand this aspect, because not feeling emotions affects a person’s behavior. For example, a person may not recognize fear because they don’t perceive that tense muscles, shallow breathing and a racing heart mean fear. Interoceptive challenges also affect the ability to self-regulate. Self-regulation is the ability to manage our emotions.

5. Taking Care of the Caregiver

When my children were young, I never thought about my own needs nor did I think they were important until I had a nervous breakdown. While taking care of others we have to take care of ourselves too, otherwise we burn out. When taking a flight, we are always told to put our own oxygen mask on first before helping others.

I found it has helped to accept what I can’t control such as:

  • my children’s development.
  • hitting developmental plateaus.
  • the attitude of others towards my children.
  • how others react to my children.
  • predicting what will happen next.
  • things unfolding exactly as I planned.

I try and focus on the things that I can control:

  • eating healthy, taking care of myself.
  • exercising to help manage stress and anxiety.
  • finding interesting and fun things to do for myself such as figure skating.
  • treating myself to little things – flowers, coffee, a bubble bath, a good book.
  • my attitude and response.
  • my kindness towards others.

Positive thinking and actions can go a long way in support mental health. Think about:

  • having things to look forward to.
  • keeping connected with people.
  • moving a little everyday.
  • spending a little time outdoors.
  • finding a space for yourself to retreat to even if it is just for a few minutes.
  • developing your own interests and passions.

Knowing these 5 things has been enormously helpful to me and has allowed me to move beyond just surviving each day. While it took time to learn about these topics and develop materials and strategies around them, the effort was worth it to have my children experience success in adulthood. They are happy and healthy people, enjoying activities that support their interests. Our lives are always evolving and changing, but I feel confident that I have the tools and ability to go with the flow and face new challenges.

Choosing The Best Parenting Style For Your Child

One of the greatest challenges parents face when trying to cultivate a parenting style is adapting standard methods to suit the unique traits of their child. Though a consistent, balanced approach to parenting works most of the time, some children invariably require more (or less) discipline and guidance than others. Rules that are sensible when applied to a neurotypical child may be overly restrictive when applied to a gifted child, for instance, whereas kids with ADHD, Autism, or delayed development often need more structure than average.

Even if you have solid, logical ideas about how you’ll ensure your child feels loved and accepted while you maintain firm limits, it can be difficult to stay on track when confronted with unexpected obstacles. Understanding the four major parenting styles can help you adjust your parenting methods as needed without compromising trust, fairness, or consistency.

The 4 Parenting Styles: What They Are and How to Use Them

According to research conducted in the latter half of the 20th century, there are four main parenting styles: authoritative, authoritarian, permissive, and distant. Authoritative (also known as balanced) parenting is widely regarded as the most effective style because it provides kids with both security and support. However, incorporating permissive or authoritarian elements into a balanced approach can be useful when parenting a child with atypical needs.

Authoritative Parenting

Authoritative parents seek to combine an attitude of warmth and accessibility with moderate, reasonable discipline. These parents explain why their chosen rules and limits exist and remain open to discussing the relative fairness of consequences when appropriate. However, once rules and consequences have been established, authoritative parents remain firm, calm, and consistent when applying them.

The authoritative style strives to keep kids safe and teach them socially appropriate behaviours, without resorting to unnecessary strictness or pressure. By providing frequent explanations and keeping their expectations realistic, authoritative parents give their children both the information and the space they need to learn independent decision-making skills.

Though authoritative parents are caring, they don’t protect their children from their own mistakes. Authoritative parenting gives kids room to “mess up” within safe limits, while still expecting them to take responsibility for their actions. This allows children to experience setbacks naturally and learn from their errors.

Research supports the notion that this type of parenting encourages better self-regulation. Children raised in balanced households show lower rates of problematic and risk-taking behaviours. They also tend to do well in school, even though authoritative parents do not push for academic perfection with the same vigour as authoritarian parents.

Authoritarian Parenting

Authoritarian parents favour a traditionally strict approach to child-rearing. They position themselves as figures of absolute authority and do not feel the need to explain their rules or decisions. They also tend to expect a lot from their children, both socially and academically, and may use harsh consequences to reinforce good behaviour.

Authoritarian parenting is sometimes associated with improved academic performance, but it also has a high potential to backfire. Kids raised in overly strict households are more likely to rebel and engage in risky behaviours, like substance abuse, reckless driving, and unsafe sex. Even complaint children who appear to flourish with strong leadership can be undermined by authoritarian parenting: Authoritarian parents are so overprotective that they often deprive their children of the opportunity to make their own choices. When their kids become adults, they therefore find themselves ill prepared for independence.

Many of the pitfalls of authoritarian parenting arise when this parenting style isn’t backed by sufficient warmth and compassion. When authoritarian parents are also distant, aggressive, or unapproachable, they compromise the very sense of safety that firm boundaries are supposed to create. Their children may then act out for attention or become “people pleasers,” unable to set their own boundaries or express their needs. To be effective, authoritarian parenting must be counterbalanced with unconditional love. Discipline, even if strict, should be delivered in a calm, compassionate way.

Working elements of authoritarian parenting into your parenting style may be helpful if your child has a developmental disorder, particularly Autism. Autistic kids benefit from rigidly structured environments and may become confused by the verbose explanations incorporated into authoritative parenting. Though research into parenting styles for neurodivergent kids is still sparse, some studies have shown that Autistic kids benefit from heightened obedience expectations and simple, direct communication. Children with ADHD are also sometimes better served by this communication style due to their issues with verbal processing.

Like neurotypical kids, neurodivergent kids require parental warmth and acceptance in order to thrive. When pursuing a more authoritarian style, it’s always essential to balance clarity with affection. You should also respect your child’s preferences where possible and appropriate, as this will build independent decision-making skills.

Permissive Parenting

Permissive parents are extremely lenient, sometimes to the point of eschewing rules altogether. These parents aren’t neglectful (on the contrary, they tend to be loving and communicative), but they operate with the belief that adequately loved children will naturally moderate their own behaviour.

Though it’s true that a close parent-child bond encourages good conduct, permissive parenting is not without its downsides. Children raised in permissive households often feel unsafe or insecure because they don’t have any boundaries to define their environment or their experiences within it. These children often end up leaning towards extremes: They either become impulsive, defiant, and daring in their attempts to learn the limits of safe behaviour, or they become hyper-responsible (and thus afraid to make any mistakes).

In its purest form, permissive parenting doesn’t work, simply because all children need rules and guidance. However, incorporating some aspects of permissive parenting into your parenting style may be useful if your child is intellectually or emotionally gifted. Though gifted children need firm boundaries, they also benefit from having the freedom to pursue their own interests and express themselves. In some areas, they may also develop more quickly than other children and therefore require adjusted limits that reflect their level of maturity. Finally, these sensitive children often need additional reassurance and nurturing.

Distant Parenting

Distant parents are lenient without displaying the accessibility of permissive parents. They prefer to let their children essentially parent themselves, only intervening when they feel like their child is directly in danger. These parents aren’t necessarily uncaring; sometimes, they genuinely believe their child is so independent that she (or he) doesn’t “need” much guidance. In other cases, distant parents are so preoccupied with their obligations outside the home that they become distant inadvertently.

Unfortunately, regardless of the parent’s intentions, distant parenting is almost always harmful. Children raised in this manner are prone to behavioural, emotional, and social problems; they also tend to perform poorly at school. This parenting style should be avoided, regardless of how mature or intelligent a child appears to be.

Choosing the right parenting style (or blend of styles) can be confusing, especially if your child is young and you’re not yet aware of any special needs she might have. Most experts advise adopting an authoritative style and observing how your child responds. If behavioural problems arise or continue despite fair and consistent parenting, then you should consider having your child assessed by a mental health professional. Working with a family therapist can help you identify your child’s core traits and specific developmental needs. With that information, you’ll be able to accurately select the right blend of parenting styles to maximize your child’s unique potential.