Moms, are you tired? I know the juggle of school, activities, work, and just regular darn stuff, gets us, moms, pooped.  Sometimes, I get overwhelmed by just looking at my to-do list that I forget to stop, and I ask— am I having fun, yet? Well, today I pried myself away from my desk to run downstairs, and slather some peanut butter on an apple. As I stood in the kitchen eating what resembled a lunch, I plugged in my IPod to the speakers and turned-up some Black Eyed Peas.  I mean, really loud and I danced. I danced in my kitchen by myself to “I Got a Feeling,” and you know what, I started to get a feeling of— dare I say— happiness.

I shouted “Let’s Live it Up” with the Black Eyed Peas and spun around my kitchen. Do you live it up?  I was a guest on a radio show last week (click here for the podcast) and we talk about keeping yourself healthy, physically and mentally. I think we get trapped in our daily routines and forget, what a good friend often reminds me— that today could be the last one. Spring is here. It is time to shake off the winter, clean-out the closets, and figure out what makes you happy.

Perhaps, while you are cleaning your closet you will find your dancing shoes. Put those shoes on, and find a dancing partner. Go out for a date with your other, or spend an afternoon reading a book. We deserve time to relax and have a good time, so claim it, and take the day off. You will be a better mother, friend, and spouse if you take regular “me breaks.”

As we approach Autism Awareness month, let’s be aware that being a mom, especially a mom of a kid with autism, is stressful.  We need to take care of ourselves while filling our reserves to make space for fun and happiness. Get rid of the old and bring in some new vibes. So, go into your kitchen and turn-up the music and dance.

Yesterday while driving Tristan to swim practice, Dylan asked, “What kind of autism does Tristan have, mommy? Is it the kind that makes you not talk?”

Important, deep conversations occur for us, in the car, when everyone is unplugged from video games, computers, or the T.V. Often the topics are about school friends, toys someone longs to purchase, or what weekend outings we will participate in. Sometimes difficult questions pop-up while driving to the grocery store when you are least prepared. When tough questions arise, I revert to honesty, and use the opportunity to teach.

When I replied to Dylan, I asked a question, “What kind of autism do you think Tristan has?”

By asking Dylan a question back, I engaged and heard what he thought about autism. I gave some information like, “Tristan talks, right? Some kids with autism can’t talk with their mouths, but sometimes they can talk by typing on the computer, just like you type on the computer.”

Often I am asked, when should I tell my child that they have autism? My answer is vague, and probably sometimes annoying to some parents. I don’t give a day or time that is best, but instead I advise parents to become comfortable with discussing autism. Talk to teachers or friends about autism, so you have strong conversational language, and not just the clinical definition.  This will help take the fear of autism out of your conversations with your child. Sitting down on a Sunday afternoon and having the “autism talk” may not be the best approach, and may seem frightening and overwhelming.

Try normalizing the discussion by integrating autism into your everyday conversations. If your kid asks, do I have autism? Don’t let the opportunity slip by with a lie or ignoring the question. Say yes, and then take the opportunity to ask questions like:

• What do you think autism is?
• Do you like having autism?

Give some information about autism in kid language. I find having a conversation about differences helps calm any fears that there is something wrong with the child. Try this difference talk:

“Dylan, you have brown eyes, Liam has green eyes, and Tristan and I have blue eyes. We are all different. What color hair, do the kids in your class have? See, we all are different. Sometimes our brains are different, too. Just like when you have autism, your brain is wired differently.”

Let your child take the lead in the conversation. If they ask a question, answer it with the right amount of information. If they ask more, give more. Kids are great self-regulators, and know how much information they can cope with, so let them ask questions.

We don’t talk about autism every day, or even every month, but when a question surfaces I take the occasion to teach and listen.

We worked with physical therapist, Liliane Savard to teach Tristan how-to ride a bike. Liliane taught Tristan to ride a bike with this step-by-step technique over several months. Now Tristan can independently ride a bike.

Bike Riding Tips:

• Use a smaller bike. The child should be able to touch the ground with flat feet.
• Practice balancing with the scooter method explained in the video.
• After mastering scootering, then move on to gliding.
• Be patient! Don’t rush your child. Tristan scootered for months.
• Encourage the bike riding as a way to be independent.

Buy your own Build Your Family workbook and DVD for only $14.95

 

Highlights from the Build Your Family DVD:

The Build Your Family workbook and DVD guides parents
through exercises that fosters attachment, empathy, and life skills.

• Sound Awareness Exercises – Create an environment, so your child can know the sounds exist, have time process them, and identify the sounds.

• Sensory System Exercises – An overtaxed sensory system can result in your child not able to get close to you or others. In this exercise we show how regulating the sensory system can help develop skills and improve your child’s ability to connect with others.

• Goal Setting Exercises – What do you want your family to look like and how do get there?  We help with a step-by-step plan to achieving goals.

• Play with Your Child Exercises – Expand your child’s play and teach them how to have meaningful play and even imagination through our  exercises and tips.

• Teach Gross Motor and Motor Planning Skills Exercises – Gross motor and motor planning can be difficult for children with autism, use our exercises and tips to help your child swim, bounce on one foot, throw a ball, and ride a bike.

• Social Skill Exercises – Step-by-step helps to build social skills and expands your child’s connection with their peer.

Highlights from the Workbook

The Build Your Family workbook discusses topics from the mental health of the whole family to
teaching skills. Each chapter tells our story and gives tips and exercises to lead you on your way.

I tilted my head with a dash of confusion and slight terror, as Tristan has gotten himself into some tricky social situations recently and said, “What do you mean?”

As her eyes widened, she said, “Well, Tristan was so focused during our sessions today.  No flopping on the floor or fidgeting in his seat.”

Suddenly I knew what she was talking about; Tristan had swum the night before.  Not dawdling around the pool with us, but swim team.  Seventy-five minutes of working on strokes and swimming laps.

Often kids on the spectrum, my kid included, prefer to play video games to getting their heart pumping.  Sports can be physically challenging for kids with autism and the rules can be confusing. Here are some tips to keep your kiddo “lean and healthy”.  All kids (rather all people) need regular exercise to stay healthy mentally and physically, so here is a list of some sports/activities that kids on the spectrum have enjoyed:

• Swimming:  try a local non-competitive swim team to learn different stokes and to get your body moving.
• Ice Skating:  take a US Figure Skating group lesson.  Some kids love the gliding on the ice and feeling the wind on their faces.
• Downhill Skiing: again the wind on the face is loved by all that crave sensory stimulation.  Schedule a private lesson on a beginner slope to learn how-to turn and stop.
• Biking: once you get the technique down, biking can be freedom while working your muscles.
• Martial Arts: discipline and moving your body are pieces to martial arts.
• Quidditch:  This is a team game, but for Harry Potter fans (like Tristan) it can be trilling.  Check your local Parks and Recreation for Quidditch teams in your area.

Last tip: inform the instructor that your child has autism and tell them how best your child learns or what to do with unwanted behaviors.  Remember they might not know what autism is or how to help your child, so give them some clues and help.

Over the summer Peter and I began leaving Tristan home alone while we ran two blocks to pick-up milk and bread.  Just like teaching Tristan how-to communicate or what social cues look like, we have coached Tristan in being responsible while being home alone.  Being home alone is one thing, but now Tristan will be walking from school to the library with friends.  Two blocks, one street to cross, and hanging-out with the others kids, that is what I will face this afternoon.

My friend, Diana, said you could spy from across the street.  As much as I want to jump behind the bushes and experience Tristan’s independence with him that would be just stretching the cord further not snapping it.  We moved to this town of 8,000 residents so our children could grow-up walking to school and to the store.  In the 1970’s I walked to kindergarten with a friend, without a parent.  Today, crime is lower than the 1970s and 1980s and I still have ping in the stomach every time I think of Tristan strutting down the sidewalk.

Just like the sadness and anxiety of weaning a nursing baby or leaving your kindergartener at school, plunging your child into the world without you is another milestone toward adulthood.  The sadness comes with the realization that you can never turn back.  It is not like I can begin nursing my eight year old again as much as I might miss the cuddling, I really don’t miss always carrying a baby, so we are moving forward and growing (hopefully not horizontally).

Give Examples of Bullying. Explain to your child what bullying looks like, are they making fun of you or are they being mean.  You might need to support your child with direct teaching. For example if you witness someone teasing or being cruel to your child, point-it-out to your child.  Say:  “When Joey said you are a nerd that was not nice.”  Often children with ASD don’t know when people are being unkind to them, so you need to teach what callous behavior looks like and then you can start with the next step.

Open the communication lines. Have frequent conversations with your child about what is teasing, what is bullying, and what is a friend, and then ask questions like “Did anyone get in trouble today?” or “Who are your favorite friends?”

Help Your Kid Find His Group. When kids have friends and travel in a group, they are less likely to be targeted by a bully, so encourage your child to find his cliché.  Join clubs or sports that your child likes and try to establish friendships.

• Your Child How-to Stand-Up to the Bully. Teach your child how to leave the situation without too much harm.  First don’t engage (no talking or physical behavior, it will just encourage the bully).
• Walk quickly away (don’t run, they will chase).
• Find a trusted adult to tell
  
  

Talk to Other Parents and Teachers. Avoid potential problems by talking to your son/daughter’s teacher and other parents at your child’s school.  Knowing the potential bully or his parents can help prepare your child to stay clear of the bully or help you defuse the situation.  Questions to ask yourself are: What is the climate at school?  Who are the kids that are the aggressors?